


How to Defeat Petty Ebay Thieves

by SylverFletcher



Series: Carmen and Player being best friends and crime buddies fight me let my kids be happy [9]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Banter, Based on a True Story, Friendship, Gen, I've never been to Germany please forgive me, Player is a gaming nerd confirmed, author pretends to know geography, he collects amiibos, like bruh this actually happened, mimics the style of an actual episode, minus carmen sandiego, obviously, original caper, stealing a god damn truck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 09:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17701556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylverFletcher/pseuds/SylverFletcher
Summary: Carmen Sandiego is the best thief and most reliable person Player knows. So when a company's entire stock of an item he ordered gets stolen, well, who else could he ask to find and return it but her?And as for Carmen, she can't tell her best friend no, now could she?(Part 5/20 of Carmen/Player "Found Family" prompts)





	How to Defeat Petty Ebay Thieves

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so ngl I spent legit one hour researching this and the locations, and then an additional two going on Google Maps and exploring the entire route I wanted to write, before the documented area ended and I had to just wing it anyway.
> 
> Also this week has been super busy so this is probably the only fic we get until monday probably sorry but I hope you enjoy anyway

**5\. First time asking for help**

* * *

 

To say she was busy was an understatement.

Jumping from mission to mission, country to country. Carmen never stayed in one place for too long, never long enough for anyone to realize she was there before she was gone again. There was always more to do, more of V.I.L.E.’s plans to foil, more of their bases to leave in ruin. She didn’t have time to stop, to do something of her own choosing or to rest for longer than an evening or night.

And she was fine with that. The outcomes of her capers were more than worth it, hearing the wonder in the news anchors’ voices as they revealed the mysterious return of precious artifacts and art, or seeing the locals of a country continuing to live their lives as they should, unhindered by V.I.L.E.’s evil schemes. It felt like it gave her life meaning. She didn’t need time to herself, or the ability to just do whatever she felt like doing, when her every waking moment went to the best cause she could possibly apply herself to.

That said, Carmen wasn’t  _ incapable _ of making time for something else,  _ especially _ if she deemed it important. That much could be said for the occasional side job that came along during her stays in different countries, the occasional local business or person that needed help she was more than qualified to provide. But as far as something personal, like something involving her best friend? Well, that would go straight to the top of the list in a heartbeat.

_ “Hey, Red?” _ The first thing she noticed, as she collapsed into her hotel room bed after a long day, was the apprehensive tone of Player’s voice. Even with just two words, she knew him well enough to hear the slight pull in them, the ever so faint sound of uncertainty. Right away, her unwinding mind snapped focus to him, wondering what could have him sounding such a way.

“Yes, Player?”

_ “Can you… could you, uh…” _ It was unlike him to be jittery in conversation, to be afraid to say what he was thinking, at least not with her. Sitting up in bed, Carmen felt herself tensing. Was something wrong?  _ “I… need a favor.” _

She couldn’t stop the sigh of relief, the tension draining from her shoulders as fast as it had come. “Why didn’t you just say so, Player? Of course I’ll help you with anything.”

_ “Well, that’s the thing.” _ She could just picture him scratching his head, looking away from his screen as if avoiding eye contact.  _ “It’s not exactly a small favor.” _

“Just tell me what you need and it’s done, Player.” The red thief didn’t need to know what it was before agreeing. Player was her friend, and if he needed her help, she was going to give it. Especially considering he’d never asked for anything of her, never anything personal. He was her guide, and of course told her what her next targets were, but those weren’t things for him. He never asked for anything, never had.

Sometimes, Carmen had wondered if he even knew  _ how _ to ask for help, or if he just didn’t need it from her.

_ “Er… Long story short, I ordered a pretty rare item and the entire shipment to the distributor got stolen.” _ He explained, and Carmen blinked. Well, that wasn’t something she’d have expected.  _ “And if it was just me I wouldn’t make a big deal about it, it’s fine, it’s not that important! But a lot of other people won’t get theirs either, so, uh…” _

“You want me to steal the shipment back.” Maybe not what she’d expected, but definitely within her comfort zone. And since it was Player asking, how could she refuse? “I can do that.”

She could hear an audible sigh from the other end of the line.  _ “Thanks Red. I knew I could count on you.” _

“You can always count on me, Player. No matter what, I’m always here to help.” Sliding out of bed, she looked around for her stuff, gathering anything that had gotten scattered back into her bag. “Where do I need to head out for?”

No doubt hearing the shuffling on her end, Player’s voice rose an octave.  _ “Wait, you’re leaving now?!” _

“Of course. Thieves don’t generally stick around, the sooner I get moving the higher the chance I’ll find them.” It was mostly true. That, and the fact she was beyond motivated to find this thing Player found important enough to ask her help with. In fact, she almost felt giddy, excited to help her friend for once. “Do you know where it was stolen?”

There was a pause as Player shook off his dismay, probably wanting to argue that she needed sleep, though both of them knew she wouldn’t have listened if he did.  _ “I don’t know any more details right now than the company has released to the public, which isn’t a lot. What I do know is the shipment was traveling by truck from Germany to the United Kingdom. I dug around a little, and best I can guess, the two locations they were being transported between were Frankfurt and Basingstoke.” _

“Huh, lucky I’m still in Paris.” Carmen commented, double checking all of her tools were in her coat before folding it. “Look up any major highways between the two, and then search those for traffic cams within cities and see if you can hack them.”

_ “Way ahead of you, Red.” _ The familiar clicking of his keyboard could be heard through the line, a sound Carmen had come to appreciate, in a strange way. She waited patiently for him to find something as she finished gathering her things and left the hotel room. It was only once she was down to the lobby and almost out of the front doors that his voice came through again.  _ “I’ve located one major highway on the quickest route that the company most likely would have taken. No traffic cams I can find, though.” _

“That’s okay. Look along that highway and see if you can find any unpopulated or rundown looking areas the truck could have gotten hijacked at. And while you’re at it, see if you can crack into the company’s logs and find out where their driver was found.”

_ “On my way. Also, I booked you a train ticket.” _

“Oh Player, you really are the best.” Carmen gushed teasingly, earning a laugh from her friend.

_ “I know. No need to remind me.” _

“Cheeky.” She smirked, pulling up her hood and vanishing into the night.

* * *

 

It was raining when Carmen arrived on site.

Her coat kept out the chill and her hat kept off the water, but it was still dreary and dark when she arrived in Germany. She could hear cars splashing through puddles, and the constant tapping of rain on the sidewalk was blissful background noise.

The downside was, of course, tracking people was a lot harder when the ground was wet.

_ “I feel like this would be easier if you could drive.” _ Player commented, idly watching the weather forecast, if the muted sound of German from one of his other monitors was anything to go by.  _ “You’re gonna be out in the rain forever at this rate.” _

“Not necessarily.” Carmen countered, eyes darting around the decreasing population of the drenched streets. Watching. 

_ “Huh? What, have you got a lead already?” _

Glancing around, she took to the shadows, disappearing between alleys. “I have an idea. If your intel is correct, then the truck got nabbed somewhere outside of Bonn, where nobody could see who took the truck.”

_ “So they stole it around that city. But how does that translate to you being in Cologne?” _

“It’s a bigger city. More hiding places, more people to disappear into. Plus, it would be suspicious for the truck to suddenly go off course, or go back toward where it came from. Its initial path was through here, so they’d come this way and then vanish somewhere within the city, all while making everyone think all was normal.”

_ “And if you take that logic into mind, take the route through Cologne they were supposed to follow, and see how many warehouses there are that are large enough to hide a lorry…” _

“... Then we find our thieves.” Carmen finished for him, gaze piercing through the darkness until she spotted the one and only warehouse with lights on. “Bingo.”

Player’s voice crackled in from where he watched over the live feed on his screen.  _ “Think that’s the one?” _

“Only one way to find out.” She quipped back, snagging the grappling gun out of her sleeve. In one practiced shot it caught snugly onto the roof, allowing her to practically glide up with ease. “Hey, this is getting easier.”

_ “Considering how many times you tried to fall into the Seine before you got a good grip with that thing, I should hope so.” _ Player teased, and she glared at nothing, pretending it was him.  _ “I was starting to regret designing it.” _

“Aww, Player, you can’t regret giving me presents.”

_ “I can if they make you a danger to yourself.” _

“I am a specially trained super villain, I am the night.”

_ “You didn’t even graduate villain school.” _

“Ooooh…  _ hello. _ ” Carmen’s attention was torn from their banter as she pulled a roof panel up and saw down into the warehouse.

_ “Is it your long lost V.I.L.E. diploma?” _

“No. It’s your long lost mystery shipment.” She answered, gazing down at the hijacked truck with the company’s district logo on its side. The logo which was, currently, being painted over. “They’re trying to disguise the truck.”

_ “So they can get it out of the city without anyone being the wiser.” _ Player filled in, earning a nod.  _ “You know what to do, Red.” _

“Oh, do I ever.” Carmen smirked, flipping inside and ghosting around the beams in the ceiling. None of the thieves were looking up, too busy with their current project, and leaving Carmen just the perfect opportunity to drop behind all of their backs and flip the breaker box off, plunging the entire warehouse into darkness. There was a chorus of shouts, exclamations of confusion and anger, and Carmen only chuckled to herself at the chaos.

_ “What’s your plan here, Red?” _ Player’s voice came in again over her earpiece, and she resisted the urge to reply. Instead, she glanced around in the darkness, looking to show Player her plan in action. Blessedly she could see easier in this heavy cover of shadow than the other thieves could, at least if the crashing as they tripped over things and yelled more were anything to go by.

Just nearby, there was a table covered in shapes. What they were exactly she wasn’t sure, though paint or soda cans seemed a fair guess. Regardless, she picked up first one, and then another, and pitched both directly at the stumbling forms of the disgruntled thieves. Both of her projectiles hit their marks, earning her two pained and angry shouts from men who both thought the other had thrown the objects at them.

Two more vague can shapes followed the first two, and then more, until the men were being pelted with a perpetual rain of projectiles that seemed to come out of nowhere. Their confusion increased to alarm when it became clear neither were throwing anything at the other, and Carmen finally had to deftly dodge out of the way as the two made a hurtling dash toward the door.

_ “Well… That’s... one way to steal back a truck.” _ Player’s voice crackled in again, dumbfounded. Carmen just chuckled, making her way over to the truck and throwing the doors open. Inside, she could see the stacks upon stacks of shadowed boxes of whatever the shipment was. One of the large boxes was cut open already, and peering inside, she could see the smaller tightly packed objects in their own individual packaging inside.

“So, Player…” The red thief started, reaching in and pulling out a single sleek box. Though not what she would have expected, she couldn’t say she was particularly surprised at what it was. “Care to cancel your order?”

_ “What, you gonna deliver it to me personally?” _ Player joked, unaware of the thoughtful look crossing the thief’s face.

“Hmm, maybe.” Was all she said, pocketing the single box. “Do me a favor and call the police to my location. It’s time for this company to… mysteriously find their stolen stock.”

**Author's Note:**

> SO I bet everyone is wondering, unless they were around to witness this mess like I was, what was the shipment and where did this idea come from? Well... This is based on a true story! Back in 2015, GAME UK's entire shipment of Splatoon+the green Squid Amiibo was stolen in a lorry heist somewhere between Nintendo of Europe's warehouse and GAME UK's shipment centers (or whatever). Awhile after, squid amiibos were mysteriously appearing on German Ebay..... for half retail price.  
> I googled around, and best I could come up with is that Nintendo of Europe is located in Frankfurt, Germany, and GAME UK has their headquarters located in Basingstoke, UK.  
> It's ridiculous to use for my fic, but it sounded like fun and I got to use real geography for a real caper, so I'm okay with it c:  
> Read the actual article, it actually happened! https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2015-05-27-splatoon-stock-swiped-in-nintendo-lorry-heist


End file.
